Canadians aren’t getting what they need
Results from the largest ever grief survey show that the very thing that many Canadians want most when they are grieving is to be asked about their loss. However, this is not how society is likely to respond. Infact, survey results clearly demonstrate the gap between the needs of people who are grieving and how those around them respond.
The survey which had a high response rate of almost 4,000 people from across the country was conducted in November and December 2023 by the Canadian Grief Alliance (CGA). Funded by Health Canada, the project was designed to support the public and professionals in understanding and responding to grief.
Please talk to me
The findings, confirm what grief specialists have been saying for years – people want to talk about their grief. “Human connection and feeling supported are critical to grieving. However, the survey showed that 50% of grieving Canadians don’t feel adequately supported,” said Paul Adams, co-chair of the CGA. “This is unfortunate but not surprising when you consider that an overwhelming majority of respondents – 83% – said that being asked about their loss was helpful.”
Truth is people usually prefer not to ask about another’s loss, even in families. “What we see frequently is that friends and family will often avoid talking to the person about their loss for fear of saying the wrong thing, or ‘reminding’ the person of their loss,” says Maxxine Rattner, PhD, grief specialist and executive member of the CGA.
“While this is typically well intentioned, it may leave the person who is grieving feeling isolated and alone. While everyone’s needs are different, gently letting someone who is grieving know you are there to listen if they would like to talk about their loss can help them feel seen and let them know you care.”
Survey findings
Commonly reported causes of grief are:
• The death of someone close (93%)
• The anticipation of someone’s death (55%)
• The loss of a pet (51%)
• The end of a relationship (45%)
• The loss of physical or mental health (43%)
• The loss of sense of self (30%)
• The loss of confidence in the future (28%)
• The loss of a dream or goal (26%)
• The loss of a job, career or business (26%)
• The loss of financial stability (24%)
• The loss of a pregnancy (16%)
Most helpful interventions
Three quarters of respondents to the survey confirmed that they had sought some kinds of support. Most were disappointed with the types of help that was available for them from healthcare systems, employer’s resources and helplines. Remarks such as “time will heal this”, “God has a plan for them”, “everything happens for a reason”, and they are in a better place were identified as unhelpful.
The same group confirmed that family and friends, grief counsellors, hospice and other community grief programs and peer support groups were the most helpful.
Roughly 25% who didn’t seek support felt they didn’t need it, (15%) some claimed that they felt discomfort sharing their grief, (12%) and 10% felt that they wouldn’t be understood. A few didn’t recognize their loss as grief. (6%).
Bolstering services
Findings reinforce the need for increased services to support those who are grieving as well as the value of helping both health professionals and Canadians in general better understand the appropriate response to grief. Other key takeaways include:
• Increasing access to tailored support for specific types of loss
• Making private grief services more financially accessible
• Holding community events that encourage talking and learning about grief and loss together
• Better access to peer and group support
• Expanding access to a spectrum of grief services for both death- and non-death losses.
• Paying greater attention the grief experiences and needs of people who are under 40 years of age, non-binary and from racialized and marginalized communities.
The Canadian Grief Alliance (CGA), is a group of leading grief specialists and more than 150 national and provincial organizations that are encouraging the Government to adopt a proposal to address national gaps in grief services that are leaving hurting Canadians unsupported in their grief.
