As health professionals, many of us do our best to be positive, glass half full people spreading words of encouragement to our clients and those around us.
Throughout the year, I’m invited to be a speaker for various professional organizations and consumer groups across the country. Wherever I am, and whatever my topic, I like to include an inspirational story in my talks—more often than not, the story demonstrates the positive effects of giving to others.
This story is from renowned author, Elizabeth Gilbert, who shared one of her personal experience on a crosstown bus in Manhattan. “There was a bus driver with a busload of cold, tired, passengers who just wanted to get home. It was a frantic Friday rush hour and the city of New York was in the midst of a terrible snowstorm. Traffic was not moving. The bus driver, sensing the frustration and overt silence from everyone on the bus, got on the intercom and said, “Folks, I can’t do anything about this weather and the traffic, but here’s what I can do. When we get to your stop, I am going to hold out my hand. As you walk by, I want you to drop all your troubles and worries in the palm of my hand. Don’t take your problems home to your families tonight.”
He continued. This route goes by the Hudson River and as I drive by, I’ll open the window and throw all your troubles into the river!” The passengers began to laugh with total strangers, sitting elbow to elbow, beginning to chuckle and converse. Despite the delays and terrible weather, everyone cheered up and a party atmosphere ensued.
True to his word, as passengers exited, the bus driver held out the palm of his hand and waited. One by one, commuters pretended to drop their problems as they went by. He repeated this ritual all the way to the river.
The bus driver’s kindness and creativity was a very heartfelt way of “giving” to his passengers. He wasn’t a big power player or CEO, but on the spot, he possessed real power to change the mindset and energy of everyone on that bus.
By telling this story, Elizabeth is suggesting that any one of us can be “the light” at any moment and have a positive influence on others. After all, kindness is contagious, and so are patience, love and generosity.
Here are some lovely local examples of ‘giving’ that have resonated with me.
Facebook neighbours
The community where I’ve lived for over years has brought neighbours together physically and virtually. A secret “invitation only” Facebook page keeps the 108 families living on our street wonderfully connected. Need a contractor or a plumber? Babysitter needed for Saturday night? My teenage daughter is available. Hey neighbors, here’s a video of a strange guy checking car door handles in my driveway. Be vigilant!
When we encountered a young couple – expectant parents – about to move into their first home on our street, we invited them to join our private Facebook group. Within a few hours, they received several “Welcome” messages from other neighbors, making them feel warmly received by our little community before they had even moved in!
Ready, willing and available
Our neighbour Jan gladly helps others, without hesitation. When I happened to mention that my husband Marcelo and I were going away for two weeks Jan immediately asked who was looking after our cat, Georgie and went on to offer to stop by daily to feed and play with her. Early on in the pandemic, when it became clear that Toronto was shutting everything but essential services, she messaged her neighborhood e-mail group—“I’m available. What do you need? How can I contribute? Who needs assistance?”
Spin and span
One of my patients described moving into a new home left absolutely spotless by the previous owners. Not only were the floors washed and the carpets vacuumed, a bouquet of spring flowers with a “Good luck in your new home” card greeted them in the sparkling kitchen.
These simple acts speak volumes about respecting and caring for others. Acknowledging the presence of others is another priceless gift we can give. Saying “hello” or “good morning” is so easy, and yet we’ve all stood silently in an elevator pretending not to notice other passengers.
Joe on the Beltline
In midtown Toronto there’s a hidden trail bordered by an archway of trees that’s frequented by runners, cyclers and dog walkers. Older users of this trail, known as the Beltline, may remember the friendly greetings of the late “Arctic Joe Womersley” when they encountered him on his frequent runs. When I interviewed this Ironman and marathon runner extraordinaire for the original edition of my first book he told me he’d always smile and say “Hi” or “good morning” to everyone he passed during his daily 10-kilometre run. And, for fun, he’d mentally keep track the responses. His highest number of reciprocal responses in one run just over 8/10 or 82 percent. Sure, there were always those who’d ignore him, look forever miserable or preoccupied who wouldn’t even make eye contact but that didn’t slow Joe down. He would still stop to pat a dog or chat with moms pushing strollers. Joe believed his difficult background had taught him to better appreciate people. “Everything I have in life I had to earn,” he claimed. “There were no freebies so I learned, very quickly, to be nice to others.”
More than money
There are many other non-material ways to light up someone’s day. Do you say thank you, show appreciation for good service and remember to use someone’s name.
Fill in the ‘how did we do today’ card with positive feedback rather than using it for complaints. The next time you make a telephone call to a business, listen carefully for the name of the person who answers the phone. I make a point of repeating someone’s name when I’m on the telephone. Call it the human touch.
Everyone’s important
Imagine for a moment that you’re a janitor at Toronto’s world-class Sick Kids Hospital. People ignore you mopping, emptying garbage and disinfecting rooms. But Dr. Robert Salter doesn’t. A world-renowned physician who’s became the head of Orthopedic Surgery at the hospital who grew up in the small town of Stratford has never forgotten his humble roots. He remembers working hard to save money for medical school and taking jobs as a farmhand, construction ditch digger and shipyard worker. Salter’s experiences as a basic labourer taught him the value of hard work and genuine respect for everyone on the team, no matter what their role.
Stop, look and listen
Sometimes the people who need help the most will never ask you. So, it’s on us to step up and make ourselves more aware of the situation. It just might be time to slow down, listen and anticipate next steps. Can you find creative solutions and discover new ways to reach out to others during your day?
From kind gestures to words of appreciation and thoughtful acts, there are plenty of wonderful ways to share your positive energy and light up the lives of both the co-workers and clients around you. As the saying goes, Kindness is, after all, one thing you can’t give away. It always comes back.
Dr. Elaine Dembe is a health and wellness practitioner in private practice for 45 years in Toronto. She is a Chiropractor and the author of 3 best-selling books. www.elainedembe.com
